Saturday, August 29, 2009

A wedding Tux email thread

Mark recently sent an email to his Groomsmen about getting their tux measurements. What ensued was an email thread that as pretty good. For Mark's benefit I've captured it below with only minor editing. Enjoy.

Mark wrote:

FYI - we've got the tuxedo rental stuff ready to go. You'll have to stop by your local Men's Warehouse and get measured. You have until Mid September (9/14/09 at the latest), but best to do it a head of time, so long as you're not planning any drastic body changes between now and then. [details followed]

Can't tell you how excited I am to see you guys and have you up there with me. I went through an experience recently where I had to help out someone for his wedding and he asked me to be a part of the ceremony.... As I stood up there ... I thought about you guys and how I'm blessed to have you. I'm a pretty lucky guy to have friends as old and as close as you guys are.

More later.
Mark "draining your wallet" Moran

Jeff immediately responded with:


Nice decision on the tuxes though because as a group we were just going to wear wedding thongs or togas. This will make things much classier, no matter what Shawn says. The Tux will also cover Neil’s Van Halen tattoo (you know you have one) but it is a bummer that Deron’s sun bronzed Arizona orange body will not be on display. I know that Jeremy and I were excited to anchor the all white side with Shawn though, showing the true power of the NW.

I have to admit that Jack (my son) is a little bummed out as he will have to unveil his Tom Cruise inspired diaper slide dance at the reception now rather than walking the rings down the aisle.


Shawn jumped right in and replied:

I am deeply disturbed by this tux development. WTF, man! I think the combined wattage of our true whiteness would have been glorious, though nothing could match Mark on that front. I think that Jeff and I should have been left in charge of a decision that large being that we clearly have the best taste (as evidenced by our choice of Jack for our first born’s name). Which brings to mind a classic Simpson’s episode:

Bart: “I can’t believe they don’t have a Bart license plate. Look at this Bort license plate, what kind of name is that?”
Lady in gift shop: “There, there, Bort, it’s ok”
Random guy: “Are you talking to me?”
Lady: “No, my son’s name is also Bort”
Overhead announcement: “We need more Bort license plates. I repeat, we are out of Bort license plates”

But I digress. Mark, don’t you worry about me making up the tux costs in beer. By my calculations, I’ll be making out like a champ in that exchange. Can’t wait to see everyone back East. Deron, do you think it might be true that if I tell my stories in a different time zone that they become new and interesting again? That would be sweet!


Mark, now seeing by my response and Shawn's that "It was on!" chimed back:

As Deron will remind you, several million times if he hold true to form from previous visits to the East Coast, you'll only be three hours ahead. I'm not sure if that's enough of a time warp to make your stories more interesting.

Ah Bort. Same great episode where Bart looks through the Beer Goggles. Classic. ("mine eyes!!! the goggles, they do nothing!!")

Wedding thong and/or toga is only for the groom! I haven't made up my mind yet. :) I am seriously considering rocking the Dr Martens with the tux. I hate those shoes they give you!

All this talk of whiteness and only Neil can really do the Carlton dance... ponderous. :)


I replied back
Oh and by the way, Jack will demand Eddie Vedder’s “Hard Sun” be played a lot. Little guy apparently can’t get enough of that song. Joy to me.

Mark not wanting to miss a chance to post a top 10 list added:
Top 10 Songs You don't want your kid to love

10) "nothing Compares to U" Sinead O'Connor (heard this incessantly in Belgium)
9) The Macarena
8) "Girls" Beastie Boys (just thing of it playing over and over)
7) Mutual of Omaha Theme song
6) Bedtime songs by that Grover-wannabe punk Elmo
5) Gwar covers of Julie Andrews classics
4) "Barbie World"
3) "Waterloo"
2) "Eternal Flame" the Bangles (again those d*mn Belgians!!)

and the number one song you don't want your kid to love

1) Anything by Candlebox (oh how I hate them!)


Shawn quipped back:
“I said maybe, I didn’t mean to treat you oh so bad. But I did it anyway”. What’s not to like about that? I like how you snuck Gwar in there as well. They would freak out of any young kid.

I replied back to mark with 2 top 10 lists
The Top 10 Songs that my son shall not hear
10) Toad the Wet Sprocket. He’ll just be disappointed that it’s not a Kermit song.
9) Sister Psychic’s “Catch & Release” album, it never happened. Kind of like how Highlander 2 never happened.
8) Milli Vanilli
7) AC/DC’s counting songs, dudes only know 3 chords how high could they count?
6) Van Halen Hillbilly cover songs
5) “Achy Breaky Lego Heart” Billy Ray Mullet Cyrus kid’s album
4) German polka macarena
3) Tiffany’s version of “Can’t drive 55”
2) songs with bad grammar, like Alanis’ “Ironic.” It’s not ironic Alanis it’s tragic.

And of course
1) Anything by Candelbox, oh how I stand by my brother and hate them.

There would be songs that I encourage Jack to hear though and some that I wish existed
10) Musical.. Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical that is.
9) Any version of “Don’t you forget about me”
8) Elmo sings the Ramones
7) Any artist that covers or cites Bob Dylan as inspiration because obviously they have proper musical respect.
6) Van Halen guitar lullabies
5) Alice In Chains sings the Alphabet
4) Shakira sings children’s songs in Spanish, because that would be easy on the eyes too.
3) Big Bird’s Rastafarian jam band
2) All things Lionel.

And of course
1) sounds of Grungtruck beating members of Candlebox with musical instruments because we hate them...!


Deron joined the email thread dance showing no fear even though he lives in a state that makes him lazy do to too much vitamin D.

With all this talk of wedding songs, I guess we'll find out when the "not enough beer in the world" saying goes to bed forever.

And yes, the 3 hour time difference should be noted by all who have not been to the East Coast before. I still blame that on the problem I had trying to set up Marken's internet; resulting in the following actual conversation with the troubleshooting rep:

"I turned on the computer and I don't have a signal for the internet connection."
"Did all the pieces arrive in the box"
"Yes, everything listed is here"
"Even the internet cable that runs from the computer to the wall?"
"Yep, I still see it in the"

At least I will have had a full week to get adjusted before trekking to Northampton. And Shawn, you will have a new audience with Cyndy in tow for all the classics, which I'm sure Heather as the old timer will truly appreciate...How often do I see you....


I chimed back
I’m thinking that with all these songs we may need Mark to pop for the kareoke machine. Nothing says a wedding like the sound of family and friends doing their version of Rush’s “Limelight” or Poison’s “Talk Dirty To Me”

Shawn asked the insightful question that was on everyone's mind though:
Mark & Jeff,
Can we expect that your mom will sing in French as the night wears on and adult beverages are consumed? Hopefully we don’t get too rowdy and have a scrabble game break out.


I closed the thread down by answering:
You can expect my Mom to cry in French during the ceremony because I plan to start splashing her 7-up with bourbon early.

I can say that Mark probably is a little worried about his Groomsmen choices, but we are all looking forward to the big day. Who knows, maybe Brother Mark will actually post some thoughts about it. (grin)




KatieMo said...

This is going to be a fun wedding.

Do I get points for never having heard of this Candlebox? (Do points get taken away because I sometimes listen to country music? :)

Cyclojeff said...

That would be a yes to both, but the country thing is forgivable. Jeff

Jason said...

Man, what's with all the references to Candlebox??

You have to warn me first. Every time I read their name I throw up in my mouth a little bit and it's getting hard to read your blog entries while I'm eating lunch...

Be sure to take the camera to properly capture the thong contest too...